That Floating Excrement Was Far Too Symbolic! It's the TV Disappointments of the Year.

Looking back, we reflect on the TV offerings of the recent year, a handful of shows emerge not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from cringe-inducing sequels to bafflingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that had us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this divisive spin-off? Burdened with dreadful writing, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show fought to find its footing. For a moment, as the third series started, it seemed as if it had finally found its groove. Then arrived an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator declared this would be the last series. It ended on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was simply too symbolic. Yet, fans undeniably found joy picking apart every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a little sob?

All’s Fair

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’

But that was almost the least of this drama's issues. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star assessment, it was hard to know where to start enumerating the flaws. The laughably wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and consumption? The almost deliberate procession of cliches? Performances so bad they felt almost malicious? Let’s just say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. Except, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Considering the legal troubles, domestic violence claims and fatherly failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while failing to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any pity this series might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charismatic but flippant narcissist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we knew it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy characters convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.

Actually, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to indulge unconvincing accents. But there were many other problems. Primarily that it was just really boring; a dispute over narcotics territory between various cockney rogues which seemed a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Considering the degree to which she provokes the ire of certain ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint homemaking as intentional statements. But then you watch them and are forced to admit that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine come to life; a meme for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental platitudes and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by vast, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are obviously fascinating things to be discussed about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this documentary series opted not to say them. Instead, the viewing was akin to reading a marketing catalogue. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any favours with this guarded letdown of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next big hit – except even camper, with a famous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her estate. What more could you want? As contestants competed, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too confusing to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up smelling of a programme that was straining desperately to live up to something way beyond it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How does one succeed a show that defined a generation? The expectation was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of celebrity friends involved felt icky.

The Sketch Show Return

Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the smart recruitment of talented emerging comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke stretched to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated with care. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lumbering from strangely breezy, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A total mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We love the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – academics honestly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This uncritical portrait followed the content creator renowned for explicit exploits as she undertook her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was far greater examination of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and absolutely no interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.